Beware Tiredness Lives Here

Over the last 5 years, I have lived with an almost constant perfidious, strength-sapping, motivation-stealing tiredness. I have been involved in a voluntary capacity with a number of community groups however along with my seemingly unending tiredness, intolerance like a cancer has grown. My capacity to engage with people, especially idiots in a respectful and meaningful way has crumbled to a point where even my give a flying fornication jar has become empty.

My appetite for meeting and getting to know new people is still strong unless of course they are conspiracists, racists, sexists or any other lists. Until covid hit I was unaware of how many blathering idiots surrounded me. As we have navigated the post covid environment it hasn’t got better, it has become worse. In one of the facebook groups I follow, a poster believed that there was a conspiracy at work because in two towns a water main had burst in consecutive weeks. They then went on about all the deliberate poisoning that councils were engaged in by adding real and imagined chemicals here is a sample “(I am always) on guard when it comes to gov entities and what they are doing to us as a collective whole. Our water is contaminated with heaps of poisons and nobody is questioning it. Fluoride is one, arsenic is another, chlorine is another. Just like using 1080. I’ll keep my eyes and ears for the next near town to have this exact same so called issue. I’m uncomfortable watching multiple towns have water main issues within a close proximity of time.” Now I know I shouldn’t judge others but sadly this is a not uncommon thing.

Fortunately I didn’t have to engage with this person face to face (I could have also chosen not to engage with them on facebook). It is the face to face idiots I cannot cope with, the rude abusive people, those who abuse volunteers and others. People who think that it is great to try and disrupt a wedding with their protests that are pure madness. Yes I respect their right to engage in free speech however their freedom should not impact on others rights to go about their business. In short my jar of tolerance is very, very, very empty.

Paul

Children don’t invent racism, they learn it.

A truism amongst many others. Its beauty is that it explains many ills in society. Children don’t invent bullying, partner violence, crime, and many of the other societal ills that we are plagued with.

“Beggars can’t be choosers,” Why Food Banks are not the answer.

is a phrase coined in the 1500s, well before state welfare even existed, is the mantra that sits behind the government’s preoccupation with outsourcing to food banks, says Danielle Le Gallais. https://thespinoff.co.nz/society/13-12-2021/why-food-banks-arent-the-answer . Danielle provides around 150 people a week a meal on a Sunday for the people she calls people who are facing food insecurity. Danielle says the lockdown impacted the food she normally could provide in terms of quality and quantity. Is Danielle some rich lister? I doubt it she is a single mother of two who’s busy studying law at

The Buck Stops Here.

I wonder what kind of an upbringing they had?  Often the first response when a teenager or a naughty child comes on the radar,

Stop,check your feet, make an appointment (signboards part 1)

So said the sign at the front door of the chemist we passed in Mount Maunganui today http://tinyurl.com/atthemount it was of course referring to a chiropody service they were offering.  I was in a playful mood and stopped my fiance and instructed her to check her feet, I di as well and

Roast Busters, Police and Incompetence

Recently the Independent Police Complaints Authority (IPCA) released their report into the handling of the Roast Busters incident http://tinyurl.com/roastbusterscomplaint. To those of you who are unfamiliar with this, the synopsis is that there was a group of young men who were getting young women intoxicated and then committing sexual assaults on them.

Testing times…

I have had some integrity challenges lately.  One of them was when I was in my local supermarket the other day, I was buying some sliced ham

BMW vs Honda?

A strange question perhaps.  I am in the position of having recently bought another vehicle.  Retired the faithful Nissan to that great graveyard in the sky,possibly being made into nails as we speak!  I did have a bit of a hard time deciding what to buy but I have to say my ego was not involved.

Fear Results in Emotional Illiteracy.

Following from my previous post I wish to share a personal story of part of my journey in life.  I was married at the age of 20.  As I look back now I realise that I was not only emotionally illiterate but that I was crippled as well.  Early in my marriage I realised that there were problems with our marriage.   I did not have the skills to articulate those problems furthermore I did not have the desire to deal with them.  I was an Island, my fortress was made of a number of things, spiritual pride, and an excellent ability to avoid questions and change the subject.  I did not allow any one into my inner-self in any manner or form.  I actively avoided any activity that encouraged me or enabled me to look at my behaviour in any manner or form.

I was actively involved in an evangelical church, a full on spirit filled bible believing, evangelising Christian man.  Well if God wanted me to change he would enable me.  I would pray for healing and then my mind would be renewed.  I would not attend any retreats; go for marriage guidance or personal counselling at all.  If someone got too close I would just close them out.  There were many other things that I would avoid.

My wife found this difficult to cope with (surprise) and then would seek solace with her friends.  This behaviour only increased my anxiety so I sought to control this by imposing times for her to be home by and questioning her about what she was saying to whom.  I became very paranoid about what she was reading, who she mixed with, and at the same time tried to present this image of a young lion going on for God.

I involved myself with good works, lead a cell group, preached at the local mental hospital, was elected as a deacon in the church, all the time however I was afraid that people would find out that my marriage had problems.   The f word.  Now the question arises why would I be afraid of people finding out that I had marriage issues.   The divorce rate at that time (1984) was quite high so it is only natural that there were a lot of other young couples who had marriage problems.  The thing was that the marriage problems were symptomatic of my life really.

I was a manager of a retail outlet, when I think of how I was I am still embarrassed, although I am open about it now, a didactic little Hitler, my way or the highway! In my personal relationships I had always done something better, bigger or faster than the other person.  I was lost, a little boy on the inside, broken, fragile and very scared.  I wanted to be a success in life but I had no way of translating that into action.  I was paralysed by fear.

Like any good serial I will stop here now and will carry on with my next blog the second part of this sorry story.  Till then just a word there is one thing that is stronger than fear and that is hope.  If you are paralyzed by fear in a terrible situation I just want to say there is hope, I cannot promise a miracle but I do know there are answers and there is always another way forward.

Paul