Scribo Ergo Cogito (I think therefore I write)

Hallelujah or really? I have started to write again, it has been a long slow progress, getting my writing mojo going again. Lots of reasons why such a lengthy hiatus they can be … oh I know blog posts. Highly personal, sometimes offensive, potty-mouthed at times however authentic, a reflection of me if you wish, so lets start at the very beginning of the decline as it were, (as good as any place) I think, it all started with a door (that’s another subject as well, doors).

I was trying to crack the nod as it were as a provisional teacher, I did some relief at a school and they offered me a short-term reliving contract (two terms). It was a hospital pass that I didn’t see coming. I was to be the 5th teacher in two terms to tackle a class of year nine pupils teaching English. These young people were at the bottom of the learning ratings with behavioural issues and learning difficulties at all sorts of levels, from coming to school high on meth, through to being bone tired because they were working to help support their families. I didn’t ask the right questions so essentially it was my own fault, I went ahead and did it. One of the teachers had been on extensive time off because of a concussion issue, the others had bailed in varying states of distress or thankfulness that they had escaped.

The night before I was due to start I was horsing around with one of my sons, pretending to chase him with a fairly large hammer (just under 2 kgs). I chased him into the bedroom and he shut the door on me knocking me out. Needless to say, I didn’t feel the best! However, I soldiered on anyway as I didn’t;’t want to ring the school and say I had concussion. (I clearly did). (Strike 1) The first day there one of my more polite students when asked to engage enquired of me “Would you like me to knock you the fuck out…., sir?) I had to add the polite bit really. At that point I should have bailed and just gone heck no I won’t go, however, permanent jobs were few and far between, with many very experienced teachers selling their Auckland homes and moving to the Waikato cashed up and able to buy freehold and in some instances even a place at the beach as well.

I had earlier applied for a one-term relieving position and the Principal let me know that they had 45 applicants for the job and that I shouldn’t feel bad as the person who took it was fully registered and had 15+ years of experience. I had trained on the basis of English Teachers being in hot demand however found that was not so in the Waikato, I desperately wanted to be working rather than the alternatives so I was prepared to commute to Auckland daily (strike 2).

I persevered, throwing everything in the book that I had from freestyling rap lessons to refusing to allow some students in the class to attend due to their ongoing behavioral issues. The school in question straddled a divide between some fairly affluent suburbs through to what some might say were effluent. The culture of the school seemed to be rather insular (partly I guess because of its size) and partly due to the way it structured its learning, add a new Principal in and it was not a cohesive place.

Back to strike 1, tiredness and fatigue dogged me, apart from the 4-hour commute there and back and being a full-time sole parent to 4 I was clearly out of my depth. Having just come from a dysfunctional school where a senior staff member had been committing sexual crimes against pupils I wanted to work it out and hopefully that would help crack the nod for a permanent position.

Concussion injuries manifest in a myriad of ways I have found out. I was simply dumb in continuing in the job. To be frank I was out of my depth, I was struggling, didn’t really know where to turn to, I didn’t fit in the highly urban environment, it was foreign to me and I didn’t fit in with the staff. I don’t point any fingers around that, I was a very small cog in a very big clock, and in the end, if I had stopped working the clock may have skipped a second but then with a step like a rugby winger bursting through his opponents, it would have kept on ticking.

The end came when a student (without malice or intent) crept up to a door I was holding and pulled it out of my grasp in the process blowing my shoulder apart, it wasn’t helped when an eager newly qualified physiotherapist thought traction would sort it after all it was merely bursitis (a misdiagnosis). I finished my term at the school. I guess it probably looked cloudy however I was unable to drive for 4 hours a day and cope with the shoulder injury as well as coping with concussion. I had been going to apply for a permanent position however I was told not to bother as it was already earmarked for another beginning teacher.

To say I was disappointed was true, I constructed my own narrative of my time at the school instead of just accepting that I am not a round peg. This narrative when I look back is embarrassing, frankly stupid, and unnecessary, there is nothing wrong with admitting you cannot cope or you do not fit. In the end, it was pretty irrelevant as my shoulder injury was somewhat more extensive than what was first diagnosed with my hands turning different colours, a huge loss of strength and mobility, and add the ongoing concussion issues I didn’t continue teaching.

I had stepped away from statutory social work, burnt out from all the assaults and threats, retrained, and found myself in a place where actually on a numerical basis the assaults threats and pure antagonism were worse than working at Child Youth and Family, (the only difference was that the assaults were much more minor). I had not understood when I left the Department that I needed to carry my registration through so without another two possibly three years of study I was not able to be a registered social worker, essentially consigning me to working as under valued, underpaid, overworked resource worker.

I guess that is really enough for today, my shoulder is certainly telling me that, and brain fog is slowly descending again. So I will leave it there to continue.

Paul

Living With A Traumatic Head Injury

I have had a few concussions over my lifetime, they have been pretty minor really, no difference after a while however that all changed in 2019. Two incidents occurred, the first not as severe as the second. I was the victim of a home invasion and an assault with a rock.

Karma, really?

An unexceptional day, it started out as, raining cats and dogs outside and in as well.  No the precipitation was all outdoors but Sid  (the snorer) Zorro (the fox terrorist) and Roxie (felinus irritatus gluteus maximus) were vying for attention, food for the feline and attention for the canines. 

Sunday Afternoon at Kmart, Defcon 1 in Ten Seconds

I could hear the shouting, not far from me a little to my left, a domestic I thought.  No surprise really considering my location, right in the middle of Kmart’s new shop in Hamilton.  Where else would it happen?

Stephen Dudley, Counting for Nothing, the cost of an over tolerant, society that lacks moral fibre.

I am enraged, Stephen Dudley’s life counted for nothing in a courtroom in Auckland this week. Justice Helen Winkelmann demonstrated her complete lack of touch with reality in discharging the second of two brothers without conviction.  This was no petty misdemeanour, not a boyish teenage prank, this was an unprovoked attack on a vibrant young man that ended in his life being lost and Justice Winkelmann in her manifest wisdom decided that to enter a conviction against the main instigator of this would be a consequence out of keeping with the crime.

Her reasoning behind this, is that fights like this occur every day in schools around New Zealand, this indeed is the heart of the matter, never mind the asinine judge (Peters Principle probably) because she in the end only reflects societal view (around school yard violence).  I have no doubt that these brothers are remorseful, that they have suffered consequences, (exclusion form a prestigious school they attended so I am led to believe), family and church consequences.  They walk free in time they will become anonymous and whilst they have to live their lives in cognisance of their actions so do Stephen’s family.  From whatever side you look at this it is a tragedy that is seemingly without cure.

Stephens’s family think that their loss has been made even worse, salt has been rubbed into their raw and gaping wounds, and they think a law change is necessary.  The offender’s family think that justice has been done and the consequences of this moment of madness will be with the boys and the shame of it on their family for ever.  The reality of this situation is that it is broken forever and cannot ever be fixed.  If Stephen’s life is to count for anything however there must be a change.

What is it about our society that creates a norm where violence is endemic and an incident where a young man loses his life is labelled as just another school yard fight like hundreds of others every day.  Yes it has been going on for a long time but it only continues because we as a society condone it.  We condone violence in our school yards and our homes, the same as we condone abuse and all  the other social ills that blight our society like an invasive cancer.

When it manifests itself we wring our hands and look inwards for a moment and nothing changes, there is no accountability for any actions or violence.  Schools are left with very few options to try and mop up the mess that starts in the home and is accepted by the community.

Recently I walked from the security of a full time job to go back to day to day teaching because of a school that at its heart had developed an acceptance of violence and disrespect. In my teaching I confront and challenge the narrative of violence that underpins our society.  In my opinion assault is assault and it is time that it was treated as such.  Punch one of my children in the school yard and I will refer it to the Police and expect accountability, should my children offend I will hold the same position and ensure they are held accountable.

See below for more posts on a similar vein

Murder up close and personal

Five years, and change for incinerating a man alive

Rest In Peace Robyn Alma Grace

Rolf Harris and the suffocating silence of sexual abuse.

As the trial of Rolf Harris has progressed I have refrained from offering comment to friends and family about his alleged guilt (or innocence).  My preference is for the law to be in charge of that for without the rule of law we have nothing, but that is an aside.

I read in the Herald this morning of another “victim” of Rolf Harris coming out,
this time it was a well known broadcaster and politician Maggie Barry http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=11287467.  Maggie was groped by Harris during a radio interview whilst in her studio.  My first reaction was to say to myself why did she not speak up?  There it is!  It is often the reaction people have when they hear of past sex crimes that are not reported to the authorities, people say she/he should have said something.

Abusers rely on silence because of their power, position or privilege.  I am referring to people who are known to their victims, the abusers have an instinctive knowledge that they will get away with their crimes .  I cant tell you if that is borne from experience or a cold, calculated, constructed approach that the perpetrators bring.  What I do know is that somewhere someplace the perpetrator has done this once before and got away with it.  Remember that sexual assault is driven and perpetuated by power, so back to the silence.

The silence of victims can be puzzling.  Why do people not say anything after they have been assaulted?  Well the answer to that is obvious in many third world countries, where the punishment for being assaulted can be death, physical or emotional.  Here in New Zealand it is not a lot better.  We have senior officials telling women to dress appropriately, shock jocks muttering stupidly to them selves and others, comments like she was asking for it, boys will be boys.  Who would be brave enough to open themselves to  ridicule, the whole process of notifying a rape or sexual assault claim is invasive and horrid, unfortunately to uphold the rule of law and to rule out false claims it has to be to a certain degree.

Do false claims occur? Absolutely they do. They are a fact of life that some people make up a claim of sexual assault for a variety of reasons, often there will be underlying, unaddressed  psychological issues involved, every time a false allegation occurs it gives ammunition to the misogynistic men who are too afraid and too powerful to be concerned about the reality of  sexual assault.   Make no mistake rape is a societal problem, see my blog here for a further discussion of that issue, https://kiwipaulspoetry.wordpress.com/2013/11/10/roast-busters-a-society-problem/.

A societal issue demands a societal answer, Society is made up of individuals and we know that for evil to flourish it takes good people to do nothing.  I hear misogyny and sexism most days that I am in the classroom.  I confront it, I confront it when I hear it uttered by my boys, I tell my girls it is unacceptable and I hope that I don’t model tolerance of this sickness in any manner or form.  What we need is a united approach to this kind of behaviour .  Women are dehumanised, demeaned, and demonised, it is not acceptable.  That starts with us.

There are usually warning signs when it comes to abuse, sometimes it is only intuition but I have learnt to trust my intuition.  It is informed by experience, knowledge and I guess spirituality, you meet someone for the first time and you have an instinctive dislike of them and a gut feeling about them.  My advice is to follow that until proven otherwise.  If you see something that walks, looks and quacks like a duck it is unlikely to be a pigeon. I imagine that there are a lot of people out there asking themselves what it I had stood up and said something?

Perhaps Rolf Harris may have been brought to book and stopped a lot earlier.  Make no mistake here, the cult of personality prevailed, experienced child abuse practitioners encountered and disliked Harris.  No body stopped him until a brave woman stood up and said enough.  I really want to say  shame on those who did not speak up when as adults they encountered the octopus.  Rolf Harris like all sex offenders has lost the right to live as a free man in society and society needs to be protected.  I  do not feel relief at his conviction just a profound sadness that he got away with this  for so long and that his victims have been scarred by this abomination..  As always I want to say, if you need help there are lots of places  to get it.  If you need to find help then contact me, I will assist you in any way I can.

Paul

Ten things I wish were true. (or maybe a few less)

 

I read a post from a fellow blogger, it was a list of ten things that she wishes were true for.  Ann is a parent to children with Autism and her wish list was around those things, you can read it here http://annkilter.com/2014/06/13/ten-things-i-wish-were-true/.  They were pretty universal wishes, if I were to sum it up I would have to say they were about empowerment and enablement.  Ann made a challenge to make our own wish list, and that resonates with something that has been grinding away at me for a few weeks, so here it is.

As an ex care and protection social worker (or child protection officer) I have come face to face with many incidents of child abuse.  Such exposure has left me imprinted with many things, some positive and some not so.  What it has done is made me aware of what constitutes child abuse.  As an ex social worker I am often approached by others in the community who have concerns about situations, I am asked for an opinion and sometimes asked for help.  Here in New Zealand we have a national agency to deal with child welfare and it is here that I pass on notifications and information.  I wish it were true that once I had made a notification to this agency I could be certain that it was investigated properly and that the life of that child or children would be better and they were much less likely to be harmed or abused.  Sadly that is not so.

First of there seems to be some barriers in reporting child abuse.  The first port of call is to a National free calling number.  Your call is not answered by a qualified and experienced social worker but by a call centre employee who screens the call.  The caller is likely to have to tell the story twice in a very short succession; firstly to the call taker and then if they have convinced the call taker of the seriousness of the situation they may then get to talk to a real-life social worker.  This I perceive as a barrier in that some people work themselves up to a point where they can make a call.  For some people this is very traumatic and hard to do, it may be about a family member or relative or friend.  There can be a significant delay in answering the call, and do not ring outside of hours as the response is very limited.

That is the first hurdle, the second part is actually getting any action.  There is such pressure on Social Workers that unless there is actual physical evidence of abuse like bruises or worse then the investigation if it occurs can be extremely lengthy or may not happen at all, after a few cursory inquiries the case may be closed and accorded a result of no further action. The problem with this is that I and many others know that abuse is often generational and deeply imbedded in the lives of people.  The perpetrators are adept at lying and hiding the truth from Social Workers (why would they tell the truth).  Many social workers are inexperienced not just in Social Work but in life with  very little real world experience.   That in itself is not so bad except  for this they find many things acceptable that most ordinary New Zealanders find abhorrent.  Drink too much, drug too much don’t worry they won’t check on you, they wont take hair samples and measure the child’s exposure to second hand (if they are lucky) or first hand cannabis or other drugs.  Under nourished, under dressed, under educated, they will leave that to the schools.

Don’t  get me wrong if they come across the signs of physical abuse they will mmost likely do something about it, but unfortunately it is often too late.

Now I above all understand the child abuse is a community problem that demands a community response, however I have very little trust in the system, and I used to work in it.  The system is cost driven, underfunded and under staffed.  A recipe for more dead kids, yes social workers do not kill children, but a good one can save a child and enable them to participate fully in life.  No I don’t trust CYF and I always follow up notifications, I wish it were not true that they often close cases without a full and proper investigation being done.

Signing off for now, to be continued….

Paul

I Hate Small Towns, Part Two

Often after people find out I used to work as a social worker one of the questions that they used to ask me was what does a child abuser look like, I used to say pick up a mirror and look at the reflection.  Abusers come in all shapes and sizes they are a percentage of the population.

The face of evil?

Have a look at the face of evil.  Here it lies the face of a child abusers, one as bad as the other.  Read the stories and if I sound harsh well perhaps I am.  I do not believe either of these people are fit to parent now and probably in the future.  He kidnaps her and she tries to escape. She gets dragged behind the car weeks in hospital, amputated foot horrendous injuries, ongoing treatment, and she wants to marry him.  If it weren’t true it would be the script for a d grade movie.  The aggravating and ironic details of this story only serve to make it more offensive.  This woman was on her way to pick up a car bought with the proceeds of an ACC lump sum payment, compensation for some trauma that she has suffered, and here we are again she will be eligible for another payment.  She proudly states that she will stand by her man and in the media she is reported as saying she intends to marry him. 

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=11112129

We don’t hear about her children of which she has at least eight, three in her care at the time of the incident, it may well be that they are no longer in her care.  We can only hope. In my opinion she should have very limited contact with them, once every six months is proven to be enough so they know who their mother is.  This contact should be supervised.   There is no way that she should be an active parent nor her chosen partner. An associate described their experience of the way that she was treated by her new partner “I only met him once at the West End pub and he was telling her, ‘Shut the f*** up and roll me a smoke’,” said a friend of Ms Eriepa’s who asked not to be named. 

Now before we talk about the howls of protest about how this woman is a victim as well, I acknowledge that undoubtedly she has a narrative of her own to share, and to say well I don’t care is untrue. But she is an adult and she needs to grow up.  I would wager that Ms Eirepa has had the gaze of Child Youth and Family over her before it is almost inevitable.  I promise you her story is not unique.  I also promise you that those that be have turned a blind eye towards parents who show by their choice of partners that they are not competent to parent.

I know of a case when a woman who was a drug addict kept her children for many years, she sold her body to pay for the drugs, in itself unremarkable, Here is the nub it was often with her children in the home and using the children’s beds for her business.  Her ex partner notified this behaviour to the department and he was dismissed on many occasions as a bitter ex partner only trying to discredit her.  I have investigated other similar cases in the past.  I can say this, often CYF is the last to know.

Family friends and neighbours are aware of abuse and often do nothing about it.  They dismiss it with statements like “She is a wonderful, beautiful person but she just picks the wrong men. 

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=11111729. Oh she / he really love their children they just have a few difficulties.  I didn’t think it was so bad. 

We should not be hearing how Sonny Te Aramoana Waiti is a good man, who was only trying to show Ms Eirepa that he loved her and that she will stand by him, we should be hearing her saying, I have to choose between him and my children and I choose my children.  We should be hearing her family saying we will not allow such poor decisions to affect her children.  Ms Eirepa is 37 years old and should know better, if she doesn’t then we as a society collective should tell her that she is wrong and that Sonny Te Aramoana Waiti is not a good man at all.  He is a violent abuser who has no right to participate in society, let alone be around children. 

Now a rant without a solution by a person who takes no action is just that a rant. Those of you who know me know that I am not like that.  Today I emailed Child Youth and Family with a notification saying that if Ms Eirepa is in charge of her children or has them in her care that sshe has shown that she is not a fit parent.  It is not the first notification I have made and it won’t be the last.  I have approached people I know and told them that what is happeining in their lives is not acceptable and offered help as well as warned them of the long term consequences.  It is often a thankless task that can end with abuse and threats however in the end if I see and hear abuse and do nothing then I am as guilty as those who are actually doing it.  I do confess that at times it is a futile gesture as our child protection service is cumbersome, cash strapped and focussed not on the end outcome for the children but adult focussed on meeting key performance indicators.  If the interventions cost money it is just a bun fight trying to get others to pay.  The system is fundamentally flawed.  Why? Well simple we allow it to continue even when we know it is broken.  It serves it’s purpose as a salve to our conscience, it allows us to see that the issue is not our problem.

Paul

Kids are cruel. Bullies are endemic

As a high school teacher and having worked as a social worker in the past I have had an unique position to view the behaviour of children and young adults.  Not that bullying is limited to these  groups of people, (see my early posts around bullies and indeed my own confessional) however in school, bullies are very evident. There is a significant time taken up within most schools in attempting to deal with bullies.  Unfortunately it is often a lost cause.  Schools are constantly the meat in the sandwich being seen by victims as not being tough enough and by the bullies and quite often their parents as not being tough enough.  The unfortunate truth is that most kids will not tell the truth when caught bullying.  They are accomplished in the art of needling,sotto voce taunts, looks and actions.  They often home in on one person or child and make their life absolutely miserable.  

This kind of behaviour is reinforced by society in many ways, however another time for that.  responses to kids being bullied are often pointless platitudes such as sticks and stones.  they are often advised to “avoid ” the bullies, to stay safe and god forbid should they respond to the bullies with words or physical actions, then often they are seen as the perpetrators.  Often children who respond have been pushed to the edge and beyond.  What is the answer to this age old problem?Where do the lines get drawn, when is name calling not fun? How much should children have to put up with.  Who is responsible for their behaviour and who is responsible to deal with the behaviour?

Well we all are either individually or collectively.  I want to follow this up but for right now i would like to leave you with this link to view before I have anything more to say, my daughter showed it to me tonight and it was powerful and disturbing.

Arohanui

Paul