Beware Tiredness Lives Here

Over the last 5 years, I have lived with an almost constant perfidious, strength-sapping, motivation-stealing tiredness. I have been involved in a voluntary capacity with a number of community groups however along with my seemingly unending tiredness, intolerance like a cancer has grown. My capacity to engage with people, especially idiots in a respectful and meaningful way has crumbled to a point where even my give a flying fornication jar has become empty.

My appetite for meeting and getting to know new people is still strong unless of course they are conspiracists, racists, sexists or any other lists. Until covid hit I was unaware of how many blathering idiots surrounded me. As we have navigated the post covid environment it hasn’t got better, it has become worse. In one of the facebook groups I follow, a poster believed that there was a conspiracy at work because in two towns a water main had burst in consecutive weeks. They then went on about all the deliberate poisoning that councils were engaged in by adding real and imagined chemicals here is a sample “(I am always) on guard when it comes to gov entities and what they are doing to us as a collective whole. Our water is contaminated with heaps of poisons and nobody is questioning it. Fluoride is one, arsenic is another, chlorine is another. Just like using 1080. I’ll keep my eyes and ears for the next near town to have this exact same so called issue. I’m uncomfortable watching multiple towns have water main issues within a close proximity of time.” Now I know I shouldn’t judge others but sadly this is a not uncommon thing.

Fortunately I didn’t have to engage with this person face to face (I could have also chosen not to engage with them on facebook). It is the face to face idiots I cannot cope with, the rude abusive people, those who abuse volunteers and others. People who think that it is great to try and disrupt a wedding with their protests that are pure madness. Yes I respect their right to engage in free speech however their freedom should not impact on others rights to go about their business. In short my jar of tolerance is very, very, very empty.

Paul

I’m Tired (its the human condition)

Conflict wears me out. It grinds me down and dries my spirit, soul and body. Sometimes there is no ethical choice apart from engaging with an issue and that often leads to conflict. As much as I will still engage in issues I have learnt to pick my battles, know when to yield, know when to stand and know when to walk away. I should have learnt it a long time ago but there it is.

I walked away from a group recently, theier mysygony, racism, ableism and every other ism in the book you could think of just became too much. As individuals they are nice enough people, they mean well and are generous with their time and money often. They are however dinosaurs who are stuck in times past and cannot break free from their thought patterns, you can throw a dice and take your pick why people choose to remain with beliefs that at the best are immoral. Religion, politics, personality, hurts fear they are all there to choose from. The biggest of these in my humble opinion, (a wee pause whilst you all laugh at my use of the word humble… ) ok that’s enough people.

Fear is based on the unknown and an unwillingness to grapple with that. What if someone looked at their racist attitudes and saw they were wrong, what then? Change, redress, possibilities of vulnerability, relationships at danger? All real fears. I am happy to go out on a limb and say it takes real intyegrity and bravery to admit you were wrong, the older you are the harder it gets. We that is in the communal we actually reinforce the notion of not admitting our failings. From Kings and Queens to Politicians, Prime Ministers, Presidents through to the completely average person have grown up in a world where being wrong is hard wired to feelings of fear of the consequences.

Much is said of restorative justice, however in a world where injustice prevails everyday, enabled by society, the state the church, clubs, individuals, political parties justice is a a very rare beast, almpost as hard to find as rocking horse scat. Martin Luther King said “Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable… Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle; the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals”. This is why I still engage because not to do so is unjust. The key to surviving is to detirmine what you can do and when, how much can you care, surely one would go mad if one was to rail at every injustice in the world (externally). It is fine and healthy to be aware of injustice, doing so makes sure your reflective lens is in place and it keeps one honest.

I have realised that my limits are somewhat smaller than what I thought them to be which is a nice segue back into the title of my blog. As you may or perhaps may not know I have had cardiac rythym issues, they seem to be well managed however one of the medications just knocks me I can wake up tired and continue in that for the rest of the day. The post concussion syndrome doesnt help either. The good news is that eventually I will be able to stop that medication and very very slowly my concussion symptoms are abating, (hence the writing). The bad news, well it could be 6 months to a year before I can change medications. The problem with the medication is that my pulse rate sits at around 54 and doesn’t increase to much above 70 when under load, which doesn’t allow enough oxygyn to power the exertion.

Small steps towards more cardiac fitness will help as will weight loss. As to my brain fog well being hit on the head witha 900 gm stone doesnt help, nor some subsequent falls however re-engaging the left side of my brain does help, so trying to instill discipline back into my writing will eventuall help that it does tire me as does conflict however that which doesn’t kill me, postpones the inevitable but it does help climb above the walls, swim the moats and walk the fields.

Paul

PRISON BREAK

Prison Break: The Extraordinary Life and Crimes of New Zealand’s Most Infamous Escapee by Arthur Taylor

Reading this book has prompted a break of my own, that is a break in my blogging a story for another time, it does however have a connection to crime.
This should be a must-read for anybody who cares about justice, whether they are the lock them up and throw away the key or they are people who wonder about recidivism, justice, democracy, and the rule of law. This no-holds-barred account of the notorious Arthur Taylor one of Aotearoa’s notorious misfeasor, with a proclivity and appetite for offending and cocking two fingers to the justice system is a page-turner. Some of the content is very Kiwi however the message is universal.
I am well acquainted with the penal system in Aotearoa-New Zealand, fortunately in terms of the criminal side as an involved participant from the other side of the fence from Arthur. I must say that I am a Facebook friend of Arthur’s and in doing so I have seen Arthur for who he is and I understand him. After reading his book that understanding has become an admiration, not for his offending as Arthur candidly acknowledges the impact that has had on other people, his friends, and family, Arthur appears to regret most of it.
His story is unfortunately not unique as I have tried to help people who like Arthur have succumbed to the slippery slide. There are some very important truths that come through his story, firstly our child welfare system is broken. Beyond broken it is a major cause of offending. Secondly the rule of law should apply to all, those who enforce the law as well as those who break the law. The third matter is that there are some very broken people in our society and rather than assist them they tend to break them even more. The fourth matter is that our Justice (penal) system is very broken, whilst there are some good people in it it really resembles an Orwellian society depicted in Animal Farm and elements of 1984. It needs to be cleaned out and prison reform is well overdue. Our Judges are out of touch by and large and general society has no clue and really doesn’t care about it until they become a participant either as an offender or a victim.
The last thing is that Arthur is a highly intelligent and caring man, as much as any reformist movement he has and still contributes to the cause of justice in a meaningful and sincere manner.
Neglect to read this book at your own risk, one thing can be sure is that we have not heard the last of Arthur and I look forward to his continuing contribution to Justice in Aotearoa, he has inspired me to continue to work where I can.
This book is a seminal tome and should be required reading for students of law for employees of the Department of Justice including all Prison wardens and probation officers as well as MPs. There is something very rotten in the state of Corrections and Justice in Aotearoa.



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I bin on holiday,

So goes the old joke,  man wants to get rid of some rubbish, asks a friend where his wheely bin is, where you bin, man replies on holiday, first guy says no where you wheely bin, other guy says well I bin to jail but I tell everyone I bin on holiday.