Men who kill.

I know a few men who have killed,one of them lived in the same house with me, under my care, I know another man who is on preventative detention. I had a neighbour who was a killer. I have stopped at least two potential murders. One of these was a woman who was killing a man. Perhaps I should say people who kill. Most of these people that is the murderers were known already to the authorities, some for petty crime, others for more serious offences. I was only surprised by one of these incidents.

All of the men bar one exhibited one trait, that is they had a grand sense of self entitlement. All of their victims were failed by the authorities and when I say victims I also mean those who were left behind as well as those who died. In one case this man’s parents had done everything in their power to get help for their son, however he found himself being looked after by a carer who believed all he needed was love and attention. The care giver stymied every opportunity to hold this man to account, eventually he brutally murdered two elderly people. He said he wanted to know what it felt like to kill somebody. I believe he is still in prison 20 plus years after his crime. He had racked up 66 convictions before he killed. His siblings were all OK, good members of society and so were his parents, however he was adopted there is something pathological about him and he is a consumate con man who uses religion as his biggest tool, he is a menace to society.

Another murderer I knew had a caregiver who protected him from consequences and then crossed the boundary from caregiver to lover. A wannabe gangster with a lover twice his age. Again multiple convictions and a propensity to violence, I threw him and his mates out of church one day as they began a brawl.

Another man was a near neighbour, he had been in a psychiatric hospital and deemed well enough to go home to the horror of people around him. Three days after he got out he cut the throats of his partner and children, three lives taken, a familiar story in the field of mental health. Outcomes driven by economics not safety. No professionals were held to account, something that is also familiar. As the say there is something rotten in our system… To be continued.

Get Away From My Kids

 

I was just falling off to sleep and I heard this scream.  I went to see my daughter at first as I thought maybe there was an intruder in the house, no next door she said.  I immediately lumbered out of the house pyjama shorts on, bare-chested

What is your best relationship advice?

For my birthday one of my beautiful daughters gave me a subscription to Storyworth.  it generates a story suggestion every week and at the end a book is printed  Here is the link.  A few of the questions I have avoided but that is for another day, I have just finished the question what is your best relationship advice, my reply is below for what it is worth.

I am not the best to give relationship advice in fact rather crap as mine have all failed however here we go. Above all else learn to listen, in an intuitive way, concentrate and put everything else aside, know that peoples communication is different. learn to ask questions if you are unsure (does this dress make my bum look big) the correct answer is what do you think? unless of course it is , no you will most likely lose if you give any other answer.

When you have listened and paused (just to make sure that they have finished) whatever you do don’t give advice. Don’t say things like you shouldn’t feel that way, or that is not very good, or did you really say that or any other comment on the situation,

You can say things like, how did that make you feel, would you like me to do something about that? Can I make you a cup of tea, come here and I will give you a back/shoulder rub.

Don’t say I understand, I know how you feel even if you think you do. Do ask if you don’t understand or have missed a critical part of the conversation. Don’t tell people to get to the point, that will only engender sarcasm and a visitation of wrath.

remember most people most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. Learning to listen will save you potential heart break and will nurture and grow the other person in a way that you will be staggered to believe.  That’s all I have to say about that.

Saying Goodbye

Abba was one of my favourite groups, apart from the women being hot there vocals were fantastic.  One of my favourite memories is listening to Abba as I drove through the Karangahake Gorge after being at Waihi Beach for the day.