Today is a day of celebration in our family. My oldest sister Trish Gapes has a birthday today, not a significant on per se although given that our time on this earthly coil can be measured in a heartbeat at times. So perhaps 53 is indeed a significant birthday. The other celebration is my aunt, Maureen Crosbie. These are two special people in my life and today I want to let you know a little bit about why.
This morning I was talking with a friend about growing old disgracefully, sometimes this muse is misused in that people may think as we grow older we can burp, fart and not give a flying …. well you know the rest about what anyone thinks. I am sure for me that growing old disgracefully is about not being constrained by the establishment. There is an expectation that we of a certain age are past our use by date. We are discriminated against by employers, people tut should we perhaps have one more drink than that which is considered polite and heaven above don’t let our children know that we are still sexual creatures. Sex after 50 I can see them now, hands over their ears saying la la la I can’t hear you. Well hear this, I listened to a psychologist lecturing at University once, a guest lecturer in our paper. He was in his eighties and he was talking about ageist prejudices and somehow sex came into it, and this young man about 19 said “so professor at what age do you lose interest in sex?” The octogenarian prof said with a twinkle in his eye and a spring in his step, when I get there I will let you know and winked at the young mans girlfriend beside him. The theatre erupted into laughter.
So getting old doesn’t mean we lose interest in sex but at the risk of being seen as prurient, I will move on. Man buys a sports car or a Harley aha middle age crisis, I hear the howls, perhaps he has always wanted one and never had the money? What I do know however is that as I get older I do think in terms of immediacy, and in full knowledge that my next breath could be my last! So it is with determination and passion that I move forward in my life. I have been seperated for over three years now and if you are a follower of my blog you can recall some of that journey if not here are a couple of links that might explain it a bit more https://kiwipaulspoetry.wordpress.com/2012/09/10/fear-results-in-emotional-illiteracy/. I have met some wonderful women over that time, (and the odd down right scary one!). This is a difficult journey at times and it has brought me under the spotlight as a number of people have stood in judgement over my actions. Some of them family, close family, others in the church I used to go to. The theme has been consistent though and it is judgement!
There are some people in my life who have stood apart from that and have supported me unequivocally and without judgement and it is today that we celebrate the lives of two of these people and their husbands. Judgement is easy to rise to and very hard to resile from, it is hurtful and it damages relationships, above all it is a form of ignorance and at times abusive. We are great at it especially in the “church”. Well I want to thank Trevor and Maureen and Trish and Malcolm, four wonderful people who epitomise family.
Thanks a bunch you guys,
love you heaps,