Just another word for nothing left to lose, so goes the lyric in “Me and Bobby Gee”. A nice catchy tune covered by a lot of famous artists over the years. Kris Kristoffersen wrote the song, almost to order, Guy meets Girl, leaves Girl and regrets his decision, he reflected that “To me, that was the feeling at the end of ‘Bobby McGee.’ The two-edged sword that freedom is. He was free when he left the girl, but it destroyed him. That’s where the line ‘Freedom’s just another name for nothing left to lose’ came from. This blog is not about leaving someone although I have done that nor is it about regrets as I said in my last blog Factum est quod Factum est (what’s done is done). It is about Freedom.
Freedom always has a cost, it is that simple, because in my opinion freedom is about choice and choice is rarely either or in life. I watched someone make a choice today, Bob we will call him, (everyone deserves a name) they chose freedom over staying in hospital, In some ways I could identify with that decision today having a dose of the 10 day blues, however this person had only been overnight. Bob clearly had some issues and part of me wanted to engage with him but I just let it slide, Beyond me today.
Bobs choice may not catch up with him for a while, or it may, it is likely to have serious outcomes for him. I have choices to make to. My son Joshua exercised one of those for me tonight. I have just come off restricted fluids and I asked him to brink me some fruit in and just one bottle of sugar free Coke or Pepsi. All of my children are fantastic, love them all, sometimes the choices in my life have not been in my children’s best interest, I freely own that and regret those and where I can have made amends I have done so. I digress, back to Joshua. He turned up, box of fruit, t shirts and a drink
No Pepsi for Pop, no no no… A bottle of Aloevera, Apple and Kiwifruit juice, I looked at him and laughed, he said have you seen what coke does to you old man? Well I have seen what it does to rusty nails, but I am willing to bet that stomach acid will do the same. However, what my son did was an act of freedom, he knew what I was asking for (indeed thirsting after) he chose not to provide the means of my self-destruction as it were.
Now choice for me was to be gracious, and to thank and enjoy my drink or I could have said c’mon son have pity on the old man, or I could have been quietly resentful. Indeed I could have sabotaged his scheme and snuck off the ward (pursued by nurses no doubt as my heart beat disappeared from their screens) or convinced someone to buy me a bottle. Choices one and all however, I accepted his bravery with grace, and appreciated the love that he was showing me.
Some other choices are not so easy and the consequences of these can be bloody desolating, destroying and heart breaking. I am about out of my own self imposed word limit for a blog so I will leave it here, I will talk of consequences and choices in my next blog, it may not be tomorrow as I have a procedure to go through and I may not be up to it, (refer to my previous blog about my heart) all going well they will shock me again tomorrow.