A Dollar In My Pocket

I was talking with someone today, they had pair of vintage dungarees accidentally disposed of. I know the back story and even helped trying to find such a pair. I understood, empathised and advised how to put it into perspective. I have lost some things in my life that at the time were quite devastating. It reminded me of how small things can seem huge.

I was off shopping for Christmas presents when I was 12. I had my own money I had saved, $8.00. I had a job where I got paid $1;00 per day for delivering groceries on a behemoth of a bicycle. On this day I had bought all the presents I needed and had one dollar left. I felt like a rich man, I reached into my pocket and out it fluttered, quickly scooped up by the person behind me whom when I asked for it back said “finders keepers”. I was devastated, I even went to the Police who said sorry sonny, no proof, can’t help. That was it. In the scheme of things it didn’t matter as I had bought everyone a present, the last $1.00 was going to possibly buy me an ice cream soda. Now why would I remember this 50 years later, even now as I think about it I remembered an earlier loss of a coping saw, brand new and left on a bus. Another incident occurred the week of my first wedding (I know married more than once the loss in that is a whole nother story). I was in town to pick up the suits. I got to the shop and reached into my pocket for the $60:00 and it was gone, I rushed off to backtrack my steps but came back empty-handed, the proprietor said I see you have a cheque book sir, I said yeah but not the money in it to pay for the suits, he said post date it for two weeks and then we will worry about it then. Although I was relieved and thankful the fact that it has stuck in my memory indicates to me that it was a significant blow.

I have yet to work out why some of my most embarrassing, hurtful and frustrating moments seem to be indelibly scorched into my memory. Sure there are moments of triumph and wonder that still reside there. Perhaps I will do some reading about it as I think it is an important factor and can bog us down or leave us stuck when what is essentially a moment in time can impact us in a big way yet the thing is really trivial. I know it didn’t seem trivial then and everything needs perspective however the biggest perspective is that we come into this world with nothing and we take with us out of this world nothing material.

I have a judeo-christian set of beliefs about this life however my beliefs about the next are pan, that is they will pan out in the end. In many ways it is not about what we lose in this life it is about what we leave behind. What is our legacy? What memories do we leave behind for others? What impact on others do we leave behind? It is those things that really matter. I am not talking about money here, I am talking about things that help lives change. It is those moments that cancel out feelings of loss. Looking back and seeing the impact on others, (sometimes we will never see that impact).

Psychologist Julius Segal, in looking at what helps children overcome adversity, wrote that “one factor turns out to be the presence in their lives of a charismatic adult — a person from whom they gather strength. And in a surprising number of cases, that person turns out to be a teacher”. Being an influence that overcomes the adversity of others is not limited to teaching we must remember that if we mourn the loss of $1:00 how much more we must celebrate the people in our lives who bring the gift of overcoming adversity. In doing so and realising this we need to be intentional in doing this in any way we can, whether it be small or large actions. We never know when the smallest act can make a difference.

With love

Paul

Beware Tiredness Lives Here

Over the last 5 years, I have lived with an almost constant perfidious, strength-sapping, motivation-stealing tiredness. I have been involved in a voluntary capacity with a number of community groups however along with my seemingly unending tiredness, intolerance like a cancer has grown. My capacity to engage with people, especially idiots in a respectful and meaningful way has crumbled to a point where even my give a flying fornication jar has become empty.

My appetite for meeting and getting to know new people is still strong unless of course they are conspiracists, racists, sexists or any other lists. Until covid hit I was unaware of how many blathering idiots surrounded me. As we have navigated the post covid environment it hasn’t got better, it has become worse. In one of the facebook groups I follow, a poster believed that there was a conspiracy at work because in two towns a water main had burst in consecutive weeks. They then went on about all the deliberate poisoning that councils were engaged in by adding real and imagined chemicals here is a sample “(I am always) on guard when it comes to gov entities and what they are doing to us as a collective whole. Our water is contaminated with heaps of poisons and nobody is questioning it. Fluoride is one, arsenic is another, chlorine is another. Just like using 1080. I’ll keep my eyes and ears for the next near town to have this exact same so called issue. I’m uncomfortable watching multiple towns have water main issues within a close proximity of time.” Now I know I shouldn’t judge others but sadly this is a not uncommon thing.

Fortunately I didn’t have to engage with this person face to face (I could have also chosen not to engage with them on facebook). It is the face to face idiots I cannot cope with, the rude abusive people, those who abuse volunteers and others. People who think that it is great to try and disrupt a wedding with their protests that are pure madness. Yes I respect their right to engage in free speech however their freedom should not impact on others rights to go about their business. In short my jar of tolerance is very, very, very empty.

Paul

Beware Here There Be Idiots

Dumbo’s Friend

Who can remember the name of the mouse that was Dumbo’s friend in the movie about the flying Elephant? Well as it turns out I can. I regularly do a Newspaper Quiz, I average around 12 out of 15, sometimes even ace it.

Memory is a funny thing. I incurred what is described as a minor traumatic brain injury (I think it was about 4 years ago). I was hit in the head by a rock the weight of a 24-ounce hammer, and then kicked in the head by the same person who was wearing steel cap boots, You can read that story here.wordpress.com/post/kiwipaulspoetry.word… This is not about that and it is. I incurred some memory issues, often just periods of slow recall, forgetfulness about small tasks, birthdays, well sometimes. Yet I can remember the name of a Mouse in a movie from my Childhood (Timothy) and equally obscure I can remember that there are three rules are listed in Dua Lipa’s New Rules? What the actual? I have no real idea of who Dua Lipa is? Ok, Google tells me she is a singer-songwriter. I rarely listen to commercial radio, my radio is permanently tuned into Radio New Zealand National programme, (Aotearoa New Zealand’s equivalent of the BBC). I do listen to music programmes on that station however I could tell you the name of one of Dua’s songs, let alone recognise a tune. I realise however memory is like a muscle it has to be used, exercised and rebuilt otherwise it becomes smaller, weaker, and prone to injury (forgetfulness). So I purposely continue to read, look at new research, analyse the news and test it via quizzes etc.

No matter that I still forget my words sometimes (an occupational danger for someone whom others describe as a walking dictionary) I find them somewhere. The biggest long-lasting issue from my head injury is concentration. I have become aware that I need to concentrate more when I am driving. My spatial and speed awareness is still very good, I have however missed some visual clues to behaviour (red lights). That knowledge is power so I am now far more vigilant and I haven’t needed an infringement notice to remind me ( a helpful son has been good). The other significant symptom that has endured is a significant loss in my IQ. No, not my intelligence Quotient but my idiot quota. Idiots including Bigots; racists, misogynists, homophobes, religious pharisaical plonkers, conspiracist theorists, our world is full of them. As I have written before I have learnt to sit on my hands so I don’t slap stupid people, my ability to sit on my tongue has diminished. I can however walk away and will do so. No point in arguing with idiots or engaging in a battle of wits. My father always said don’t fight unarmed opponents.

Dear God, there has been a mass disarmament either occurring or becoming clear since the emergence of covid. If you want evidence, look at people who cut and paste on their Facebook pages notices instructing Meta what they can and can’t do, the irony of having ticked the terms and conditions of using a privately owned platform and expecting to be able to limit their power whilst you use their platform is palpable, the ignorance and lack of critical literacy screams out like a 20-metre bill board, the message reads “Beware Here There Be Idiots”.