Who do we put our trust in? Who is it in your life that you trust before all others with a blind unblinking, unwavering trust? I learnt the hard way when I was young, people I had an unshakable trust in showed that they were mortal. Understandable when I was a youth, the idolisation of people in my life, people of significance, this I hasten to add was not their fault, perhaps the hope of youth,perhaps innocence.
Trusting people is something that we are socialised in as children, taught to us by our parents, stemming from that initial familial bond. There are many people we are taught to trust, Drs, Dentists, Judges, Teachers, the clergy to name but a few. that trust could only be breached it did not have to be established. I was no exception to this, I had an implicit trust in people. That unfortunately didn’t last very long. I learnt about the inherent cruelty of children, the lack of care by adults about bullying behavior nothing new there. I have progressed through my life struggling to maintain trust in people, trying to remain trustful, what I have found is that very few people seem to know the value of keeping their word.
I have spoken before about my frustration with helping people, how they often bite the hand that helps them, I have become jaded, unenthusiastic, lost my compassion. In the end it is my fault. I have chosen to invest in people and clearly these people are not worth the energy, they just don’t want to help themselves, they point the finger at everyone else, they are reactive,talk about people but above all else they do not take responsibility for their own behaviour.
I have spent a reasonable amount of time watching The Bachelor, it all came to an end on Monday night with his declaration of choosing Fleur, I was surprised at his choice because I had picked him as somewhat narcissistic, shallow and just sleazy, prepared to taste all the wares available, oh and guess what I was,oh surprise, I was right, the nice guy just showed he is a loser, a bastard as someone I know called him. I have watched as he has built this nice guy persona whilst all the time at the back of my head I find the whole concept offensive, misogynistic and really just trading in morbid curiosity and voyeurism, and this is what passes as good television.
Now I have to add the rider that all the participants in this were adults, they should have known what they were getting into, Naz was accused of treating The Bachelor as a competition, well she was right, it appears to have been nothing more than a competition and it looks like in the end the winner was the person who put out the most. Why am I surprised? Is it that innocence I spoke of, do I want to believe in the power of love, in the good guy? Am I that jaded or is it that at 53 years old I have become cognisant of the real world?
Well The Bachelor has not helped my compassion tank, my belief in inherent goodness,it has reinforced my belief that the individualist nature of society, its shallow nature, its obsession with instant gratification that is narrated by the desire to win at all costs, an inability to admit when things are wrong, consume and generally say fuck you to virtues has permeated its way to such an extent that no one really cares, it extends to Parliament, the business world, the Public Service even the Church.
In my personal life I have an antidote for this, the love of a woman, some wonderful children and a few good friends. In that I am a rich man, I hope that I don’t become so jaded that I no longer wish to engage with the people in a real and meaningful way outside of those that I know and love. The other thing that I need to be aware of is my own frailty, I would like to think I am not like Jordan Mauger, but am I better than him?… a dangerous path to go down.