This is a notion that I have wrestled with for a couple of years. For a number of reasons I wondered if in this life we are destined to have just one great love. I know this is a result of suffering loss, essentially a natural reaction however for many people it is a genuine question that they wrestle with.
I first encountered this when the wife of a good friend died, already in his late 70’s the terrible loneliness of the night was sucking the life out of him. He found out that another friend of his was in the same situation, and to cut to the chase, this couple found love again. Love is a comparative term, I have written on it in a number of posts what is love ?https://kiwipaulspoetry.wordpress.com/2014/12/17/so-what-is-love/.
A very good friend of mine is celebrating life again, she suffered a terrible loss, and has taken some time to come to terms with that, in doing so she went through a process where she took risks and opened herself up to potentially being hurt again, and she was, by me however she has gone on to find that special person and I celebrate that as she celebrates my journey.
Attempting to find love again, the process of opening your heart to somebody and then potentially being rejected is risky. For some too risky. For others love demands commitment, and true commitment means sharing, compromise and change, too scary for some. Some I know are too scared to ever seek that again, too hurt too set in their ways, unwilling to compromise. Others become hardened and go through the motions looking for “that” feeling, similar to sitting at a poker machine, pulling the lever and getting a payout, seems like a lot of money at the time but soon gets used up, in the harsh reality of day to day life. Some become completely consumed by the physical and intimacy becomes a cheap word because in the morning light it is just empty. For some what they had was enough to sustain them.
Everybody’s experience is different and none of these experiences are better than the other, they are just what they are, life. For me I experienced some of that, if not the whole gamut, sharpened by a fear of hurting people, a double edged sword really that leaves one in a conundrum, a moral bind, attempt to find love, open your heart, then ultimately reject someone who does the same thing. A burden that has weighed heavily upon me and to some extent still does. Add to this mix family, oh my lord what a mess it can be.
So what must one do? Give up, become a priest, put ones life on hold? Well for some that is a legitimate solution, and I cannot judge them for that, I have felt like doing that myself on a number of occasions, but love when one has experienced it is a very strong reinforcer, addictive? perhaps. To withdraw from such a challenge because one is fearful of hurting someone seems to be condescending and naive. To assume that you know what is best for someone else is dangerous and delusional, especially when it comes to matters of the heart
I am aware that in my journey I have been a source of hurt, never deliberately but in being honest it has happened. I can be accused of being naive and perhaps wanting something so badly that I overlook the obvious or even the questions that are beyond the niggles of normal life. Allowing things to progress too quickly but once again that is a two way street. I am aware that in writing this blog I may open some of those wounds, and words such as he doesn’t know what was good for him, foolish and even shallow could be leveled at me and to those I can only say I am what I am, and for any hurt I am deeply sorry.
Where am I going with all this, well I have worn my heart on my sleeve and it has bitten me on my bum in the past. To the extent as I explained earlier that I had almost got to the point of giving up. I have however found something that is beautiful and true, that answers my questions about love.
Bitten by the love bug and I never want to be cured!
That my soul would sing a song of joy,
Amongst the ashes of disappointment and despair
I would give all that I have to know the love of a woman that is true.
Then Sings my soul
Unreserved and unmeasured, time and tide will not shift.
My yes is yes and my no is no. Let it always be so.
Joy comes only from the security of knowing .
Then sings my soul.
Honey I’m home. How was your day, such simple words that bring untold delight.
Knowing that voice that answers your call is a voice of love and desire.
Transcending and reordering making new and restoring.
Then sings my soul.
My soul is singing,
Live well, love, laugh often, be kind to yourself and love abundantly.