Driving in my car I turned on the radio, then my playing on the radio was, oh no wrong post. Last year I posted about wanting to go to the winery concert, thought it would be a good idea, entertained the thought for a while then flagged it, too expensive, things the children need,last week I entered a competition for tickets to the Winery tour, I got a call today, congratulations you have won two tickets to the concert, fantastic I said, says she one problem, they are for the New Plymouth concert, no worries I say I will have to make a plan, reality hit in soon after , kids, pets, well can take care of that I thought, ok that is doable, what about the trip, 255 kms, ok there and back on under a tank, that works, one small matter, Will I drive back at 10.30 , or 11 not likely I had enough trouble driving today until I got some more coffee in me! Oh well perhaps a motel, then it begins gas 80.00, motel 120.00 food 40.00. 4 x’s I am out, I shall probably try to give them away another time and place not because I couldn’t find the money just that there are other things more important to spend my money on oh and I don’t have someone to take oh and if I did I don’t have the will to spend that amount of money on pleasure. I must be middle class,why you say well the unwritten narrative of the middle class is that money is to be managed, although when it comes to my children basically money is there to be spent on their needs.
I find it hard to spend money on myself, it is not that I won’t it is that I think what else could I spend that money on. Probably underneath that is a narrative of not feeling like I deserve it as well, but that is entirely another matter. The Hamilton Garden Festival is on at the moment, as yet I have not been to any events, perhaps this weekend I shall redeem that. I think the general unwillingness to spend money on myself is not uncommon to me or to many parents. A fellow blogger I follow posted a great series on poverty which I thought made sense http://fourseasonsinonekiwi.blogspot.co.nz/2015/02/day-15-negotiating-hidden-rules-of.html Well worth the read, she has some other posts on on poverty that go along with this one.
My dad used to joke that he worked real hard to earn money and that my mum worked real hard to spend it. Invariably it was not on herself, but on us or other friends and numerous relatives, and other waifs and strays, I think I learnt reasonably well off both of them. Dad whilst being retired for some years is still generous with his time and with what resources he has, my mum well she has been gone for 22 years, a formidable woman remembered by many with affection for her hard work,her charitable nature and her forthright communication style which was enhanced after her first brain hemorrhage. Not one to call a spade a hand powered agricultural implement was Flora!
I have a few challenges ahead of me at the moment, health wise, I am feeling confined and bogged down, the only answer is to press onward and upwards and to remember my own advice to do what I can where I am with what I have. If it has to be it is up to me. It is time for me to let loose my passion again, at least then there will be something for people to complain about. In the meantime there are two tickets for the Winery Concert in New Plymouth 21st February (tomorrow) available, they are on trademe right now but if you want them just let me know I am happy to give them away.