Thus was the sage advice from my sister last week and she is so right. Unfortunately this too is still current and whilst the knowledge that it shall pass is comforting it just seems too far away. I haven’t posted for a while,but the muse is upon me and if I want to call myself a writer (and I do) then I should write. I have been deeply angry on a number of levels, for a variety of reasons and whilst have felt the urge to write I was somewhat concerned with the vitriol that was rolling in my head, I didn’t want to write because I had nothing good to say, however there it is, I may still be angry in a week or a month, shall I remain silent for that length of time, those that know me will instantly recognise that as a rhetorical question!
So something positive in amongst this well a couple of things, I celebrate my children, and my nephew who lives with me, that is I am proud of them. Not because of any particular achievement at all but because they are living their lives with passion, and that is absolutely awesome and is comfort to me, so that is one extraordinarily good thing.
The second thing that has occurred is a bit more surprising, those who know me well will tell you that I have a quick mind, a quick tongue and could even be accused of having a sardonic wit. Being truly sardonic is an artform to me, it rates well above mere sarcasm, which any amatuer can achieve. Over the past few weeks I have been presented with golden opportunities to practice the dark art of sardonicism, however I have resisted these opportunities and largely persisted with the firm, (and rather terse) response. Not as fruitful perhaps as other approaches but more respectful, especially when dealing with minions who have no ability to reply, firstly there is no real challenge in it, a bit like shooting ducks on the water really, secondly it can be extremely hurtful and I don’t want to hurt nobody as Bob Dylan sings.
One of the struggles I am having is around work at the moment. I have only had one paid day in the last month. Whist not quite desperate I do need to get some soon, I don’t want to rely on state assistance. However I will do what I need to do to house, feed and clothe my kin and kith. But my need to work is deeper than a need to provide, it strikes at my psyche which is a huge difference for me. Whilst I am an adequate house person, I really find being a stay at home single parent a kind of suffocating, suppurating, scab, that eats at me like some form of gangrene, I feel myself slowly dying a little bit at a time. However that needs some examination.
People ask me what I do and I describe myself as a writer who teaches for a living. Blog writing is one form that I express myself in however I am also a poet,, except that I am not writing poetry at the moment, does that make me an ex poet? One who has a hundred or so poems to his name,I have more blog posts than poems! Alas I know what is wrong with me, it is not writers block per se as I am able to produce poetry if asked however it is a matter of the heart, however that will be my next blog post. I fear that I have lost my ability to love people outside of my immediate family. More on that later. For now I am ready to try to sleep.
Take care and live well,