Facing fear sometimes means facing failure.

The road to mediocrity is paved with unpublished works, un-written novels, memoirs, epics, poetry thought of in the middle of the night but never committed to paper.  Regrets I’ve had a few myself that is for sure but I don’t regret my first venture into crowd funding.  I have a few mottos that I live by, never ask a question unless you want to hear the answer is one of them.  You will never know the answer unless you ask the question is another.  I recently asked the question, did anyone else support my vision for publishing my book of poems.  Now I need to refine that what I should say did anyone outside of my normal circle believe in it enough to pledge to help fund it.  The answer was no.  I received two pledges which I acknowledge with gratitude, and messages of support as well. I don’t have any regrets,  I will publish it is just a matter of priorities with finance.  Simply put I need to buy other things for my family first and that is right and proper.

Now in terms of failure this is not a real big deal, I have faced much more public failures before when standing for public office.  No matter how much I think that I would be a great member of parliament, the simple facts are that not enough other people thought so at the time. Nor did they trust me with local government.  We face failure in many different ways in our lives, exams assessments, job applications, declaring our love for another, competing in events , the list is extensive.  We are resilient well at least I am and I know there are some keys for that resilience.

I will not lie and say that I am not disappointed that my project did not make its goal, I am and that is natural, why it is that we are expected to stay stoic and brave, well there is an allergy to showing your emotions I guess.  Not that I have taken to my room at all.  There is a much bigger issue here rather than will my book get funded and that is will people like my poetry.  On that I guess I would like people to enjoy it, be challenged, informed, enraged, comforted and inspired.  But above all else I truly don’t mind.  For me the challenge will be getting it to the printer, having it in my hot hand and sending two copies off to the National Library.

Not that this will be my crowning glory as I hope to write much more in the future.  The failure I fear above all else is that I worry that as a father I am a failure.  I see my children struggle on occasion and I examine myself and think I should have taught them better, been a better example, been more supportive.  I wish I had more finances to help them out, I want to protect them more from the world.  I am sure that many other parents face the same fears.  The thing is your children and the people around you have choice and in the end it is up to them.  One can only guide and do ones best, knowing that you are yourself an imperfect vessel trying to do your best and it is in the trying that redemption comes.

For me as much as I would love to see my name in the lights as a successful author to know that my children love me and are proud to be my children will be enough and I would give all I have to achieve that.  For me success as a parent is measured in hugs and words, not in qualifications or awards.  I love you is enough reward in my life.

Sometimes our children will fail as we ourselves do so, if we teach them well that is not to see failure as a disaster but an opportunity then we will have done a good job.  Too many young people are afraid of failure and refuse to take responsibilty for their actions, where have they learnt this from is the question we need to ask.  We need to learn to model responsibility and demand that those around us either in authority or leadership model the same behavior and take away the culture of blame that stifles and strangles the life out of us. When we do those around us will also.

Take care, face your fears and do it anyway!

Paul

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