This blog post carries a warning. it talks about death and the fragility of life. It’s not pretty or glorified at all and I don’t know if it is redemptive. It is what it is. If you choose to read it and it brings up issues for you let me apologize in advance and offer you any support I can.
I have wrestled with a poem that has sat upon my chest for a couple of weeks. It sat there on my screen, triggered not by any recent personal experience of death (although I have had some this year) and as I have written before I have also had some very close calls where I believed i was going to die one last year but nothing recent really. I was simply driving along and saw a hearse drive up to a church and I saw death go gliding by.
As I cast these words upon the keyboard I searched for some redemptive feature some volta that leads then into a uplifting denouement but I could find nothing, words that I tried to place were just saccharine and asinine. So tonight I just let it flow. Some people may find it insensitive or even may think it to be cruel considering that Christmas is upon us, the season of good will. I am not the Grinch but right now I hate Christmas. I have bought a tree and presents and I will paint my face on for the sake of my children whom I love more than life itself but I see that as a poet I cannot let it slide by without comment.
For many people Christmas is a festering sore that erupts in a suppurating oozing fetid mess, for a month or more every year. It is a in unwelcome reminder of loss. I will probably have Christmas lunch by myself this year, mainly by choice because there are many people who would say to me join them, however this has been a year of finding out who my true friends are and they are far fewer that what I ever imagined. I had never really understood how one can be so lonely yet surrounded by people till this year. It is absolutely horrible.
I want to use the f bomb but I don’t want to invest that kind of energy really. Now before you all think this is wrist slitting material and that I want sympathy or attention I want to acknowledge I have so much to be thankful for but somethings need to be said and I am saying it.
Christmas is a shit day for many people for many different reasons, if you are not one of those and seek to bring some light into peoples Christmas just remember every other day of the year can be as equally bad so feel free to offer some cheer but try to make it consistent other wise it is not worth a tin of the proverbial and it falls on the ground as cold as charity,
Oh the poem well here it is you will need to follow the link…I tip my hat to Emily Dickinson, not as an acknowledgement for any borrowed lines per se. But Stopping for Death was in my head as I wrote this.
I saw death
I saw death go gliding by.
Dressed in gleaming, glistening polished carmine robes,
sparkling, shining, splendour. It was him alright
face set towards the sun….http://softlyfallingpoetry.wordpress.com/2012/12/17/i-saw-death/
Remember to live, love and laugh whilst you can,