Dear God I hate mirrors and 20/20 vision.

A couple of thoughts that have come to the surface out of much contemplation and cogitation over the last 10 days or so.  The first of these harks back to some of my earlier posts but is a recognition of a behaviour that I have noticed in many people.  Like most things I have noticed about others it is most often something that I have noticed about myself at some time.  Some times it is a current issue other times it is long dead.

I used to work as a social worker, my role however was child protection,  After receiving information we would investigate the concerns and take action should these concerns merit it.  When interviewing adults one of the things I looked for was their ability to be reflective versus reactive.   Now I am realistic here, most people will have some form of negative reaction to being interrogated by a social worker, they will feel slighted and offended however such responses when teamed with a refusal to engage often end up in escalation and nobody wins.

What I found difficult to understand was how parents would continue to refuse to acknowledge their shortcomings even after these have been clearly proven.  Many people spend an inordinate amount of time engaging in a fight against the perceived injustices that have been perpetuated against them real or imagined.  My advice was to listen carefully and then reflect on the issues and then concentrate your effort on addressing the issues outlined.

This of course depends on the ability of individuals to be honest enough to reflect.  Often I have found that aggression is a carefully used tool that deflects criticism, and then defending oneself from hurtful comments means that one does not have to look at oneself and can avoid the truth.  This behaviour is very common and I am sure we can all think of people who personify this kind of situation.  It happens in all kinds of situations.  I will expand on this another day.

I have experience of it particularly in regards to my weight which is the second point that I want to explore in this blog post.  Dear god I hate mirrors and great vision because they tell the truth and this weekend I looked in the mirror full length and without any clothes on.  I realised that whilst I have achieved an enormous effort in the last couple of years, I still have a ways to go on my journey. In short I felt revolted by what I saw. Whilst I haven’t fallen off the wagon I have been hanging on by the tips of my fingers.  I know this because apart from really not liking the excess fat that I can still see I checked my vocabulary out and when I am honest the results are not good.

I have had a difficult few months for sure and the last month has been extremely trying there is no reason to overeat.  I have been getting back into bad habits, cant sleep get a glass of milk  (and cookies), in pain, get a glass of milk and cookies, feeling blue a large slice of fruit toast, yes please.  Well as Mrs Brown would say that is fecking ridiculous and needs to stop.

There it is I confess to turning to food for solace again.  I will keep you informed of how it goes this week.  I have some major hurdles to face and some of it is very unpleasant but… I WILL NOT SUCCUMB.  I am not that old FAT man.  I will not return to that.  If you are in that kind of a place or are running away from the truth talk to someone, if you have no one else to talk to private message me I am happy to help if I can

Till next time live, laugh and love freely and with abandon!

Paul

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3 responses to “Dear God I hate mirrors and 20/20 vision.

  1. Hi Paul! Something that has helped me get over my recent hurdles (lost 50, 50 more to go) is to write down all of the BLTs (bites, licks, tastes) I took AND to write down the BLTs I wanted but *didn’t* take. I mean, thinking about it. 100 extra calories a day can lead to 10-12 pounds of weight gain in a year. It’s so easy to get down on ourselves, but by also writing down the ones I *didn’t* take, it helps me keep things in perspective. Like, I may have succumbed at the Trader Joe check-out line, but I *didn’t* eat a 700 calorie piece of cake at the office for a co-worker’s birthday. Don’t beat yourself up. You need to be your own best cheerleader. 🙂

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    • Wow well done on the fifty, you are right it is an everyday story! Four weeks left at University and then I might get some time to jot those BLTs down in between compiling my book and hitting the road to lose that next 20! You have a great day!

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