Barriers to achieving goals are everywhere. I am the first to admit that. When it comes to personal goals they often seem so huge that it feels pointless even getting started. Moreover when your experiences have ingrained in you negativity and loss, when you feel battered and bruised and you just feel like curling up in a corner and opting out I understand. I have been there and done that. But let me tell you there is good news.
My experience is that the narrative that I have just talked about is common. For some reason our society has evolved into this beast that consumes individuality in favour of the collective. If you don’t fit the norms then you are out on the margins. When I talk about a healthy mind equalling a healthy body it really starts with this. You have to accept who you are.
Accepting who you are is not about accepting that you are short; tall, fat, thin, or any other physical attributes it is about accepting that you are an individual and that you have flaws as well as strengths. The inability to recognise either of these is just as problematic. It is not about the knowledge of what these are but it is about what you do with them.
This is not as easy as what it sounds and I recommend that if there are significant issues in your life that you have entered into a therapeutic professional relationship to look at those issues first. There is not a lot of point in trying to deal with a weight problem that is informed by a lack of self esteem unless you have looked at that core set of beliefs that inform you about issue in the first place.
For me I had done significant self work over the years but there was one hurdle that I had to jump, more about that another day. The key factor was that I was ready, in a space where it was just time. Now it could have happened much earlier for me but the truth is that I lacked the courage to look in the mirror, as long as I could postpone that honest look then I could postpone the necessity of doing anything about my weight.
The truth is that I was . . . FAT. Not overweight, not morbidly obese, not short for my weight I was FAT to the extent that I could not breathe properly, that I was placing demand on my body that meant I was doing permanent damage, I was impacting on my family my children were embarrassed, I was embarrassed. I dressed in black because it was slimming. If the subject came up I would say oh well I have the arteries of an 18 year old, a bullet proof pancreas and I am happy. What a crock of shit. Yes my heart was in good shape and I did not have a blood sugar problem but there were other health issues and being so Fat I was wearing my organs out prematurely. Enough on health now we will cover that another day.
The good news is that you have a choice. You are not powerless, any narrative that you have in your head that tells you otherwise is a lie. We all have the capability to change and we all can find the will power to confront those kind of issues in our lives whether it is gross obesity, smoking whatever, they are all beatable. There are people in your community who are living proof of that. You just need to want it enough. If you want it enough you will find away. I can’t guarantee that it will be easy but generally anything easy is not worth having.
So the first step I believe is to tell yourself the truth, look in the mirror and say what you see, not the physical but the emotional, spiritual and psychological. Give yourself permission to accept that you have imperfections, foibles whatever. Feel the fear and know that you will still exist even if you don’t like what you see. Then do something about it. That something I will talk about next time. Till then live ,love and laugh!